forgiveness

blah.

This was one rough weekend. Jackson had surgery on Friday and is doing well. We are SO PROUD of how strong he has been. Even the nurses commented on how impressed they were with him. We are just praying that his recovery continues to go as well as it has these past few days. Thank you to everyone who checked on him and prayed for him. It means so much to me and Ben that you did.

I have been inspired by a few people these past few days and I'm just going to try my best to live by the scriptures they have posted.

How difficult is it to forgive? I mean, seriously. When we are wronged we feel that we are justified by our actions, our anger, our hurt...but are we? Maybe in our own opinions... maybe to the world nobody would blame us for being angry for how people have wronged us, our children and our families. Anne Pressley was brutally murdered this week - how do you forgive that? What happened to her makes the things I was upset about in my life seem so pointless, so little and minute.

I'm doing my best to live by 1st Corinthians. God commands us to love one another and love keeps NO record of wrongs. I want to be a loving, christian woman for my husband and for Jackson and that means that I have no place for bitterness or resentment. It is so difficult for me, especially when it comes to Jackson, but I just give it to God. Any other options just aren't worth it.

zoo much fun

We went to the zoo again on Tuesday. We had the best time. I tell you what - if you want to go to the zoo, go during the week in the off season. We saw so many things that I didn't see before and the animals were out and about like I had never seen! We had the best time. We tried to really live it up this week - I think we did a pretty good job.

change

I worked my first "shift" last night. I'd like to say that it was fabulous and I loved it and everything is wonderful but that wouldn't be completely true. I love what I do...I love helping people...I love conversations with adults - it's just different now. Everything is so different when you have a child at home.

Last night was the first night of Jackson's life that I wasn't there to kiss him goodnight and help put him to bed. It was so difficult. I called to say goodnight and Jackson started crying when he heard my voice. I cried too. After I hung up the phone I prayed that God would give me the strength to make it through my shift because I missed my boys and I wanted to go home - I haven't felt that way since I was 10 years old. It took everything I had not to just grab my purse and leave but I put on my big girl pants and went back to my desk. Later that night I was making rounds on the units and came across this canvas:

It was then that I was reminded that God feels about me the way I feel about Jackson - only a million times stronger. I got through my shift and will work a few more hours tonight. I know that I will adjust to the change, so will Ben and Jackson but it will just take some time. Ben did such an amazing job last night. He did everything by himself. He and Jackson ate dinner together, played, showered and got to bed without a hitch. I'm so proud of both of them. I got home pretty late and Jackson was fast asleep. Safe and sound. I'm so thankful that Ben is such a wonderful dad - that eases all worries I have when I'm not home with them. Let me clarify, this is not a blog about me being worried when I'm away. I know that Ben is doing an amazing job with Jackson and that they are having a big time. I just love being at home with them and I missed them. I'm thankful to feel that way - some people can't wait to get out of the house. Not this girl.

I'm going to paint this message on Jackson's wall. I want him to know that even though mom and dad may not be there, God always will.

so...

We've had a lot going on lately. I recently decided to "go back to work" and I put it like that because I'm not really going back to work. I mean, I am but not in the sense that most would think. I recently got hired as a counselor for a PRN position at a local hospital. Because it is a hospital, they are open 24/7 and I have the ability to work hours that would not be possible with a private office or clinic. I am very anti-daycare for my family. I understand that other families don't have options and do the very best they can to provide the very best for their families and sometimes that includes a babysitter or daycare...I just prefer for Jackson to be with either me or Ben. Especially since we don't know many people in our new area yet. With this job, I can work opposite hours from Ben or an overnight position so that Jackson will be with his Dad while I'm at work. Also, I can work as many or as few hours as I want so my schedule can change week to week so that we don't have to sacrifice family time or family gatherings. I'm really excited about it - I love what I do and if I can still be involved in the professional world without it affecting Jackson or Ben then that will be such a blessing.

In other news, we are loving our new home and the area. Jackson is growing bigger and stronger every day. He is so intense and full of life. I wish I could have just an ounce of his energy - maybe then I could keep up with him! We are going to Nonni's for Halloween and are making a stop in Georgia for Jackson's one year pictures...we are lucky enough to have the best photographer in all of Georgia taking them! I'm so excited about being at my mom's for Hallowee...she knows how to rock it out! Aunt Mary will be joining us as well - it's gonna be so much fun.

We are so ready for the holiday season coming up...it's going to be a blast!

my boys

not so sweet

For those of you splenda lovers...you should probably read this article. I know they come out with something new every day that changes the new "it" product but this is something I don't really want to take my chances with!

http://www.wnho.net/splenda_chlorocarbon.htm

little loves

When Ben and I got married I was so excited to have so many new kiddos to love on. When we first met, there were only Karleigh and Hannah...and they were both still BABIES... they each just started Kindergarten.

Hannah
How crazy is that?!? His Dad had just gotten remarried and Glennis' girls, Catherine and Olivia, were only 5 and 8...they are about to be 10 and 13...double digits and a teenager!

Catherine and Olivia
Since we've been together, Cael, Jackson and Kole have been added to the family and now there are more babies on the way!

Cael
Diana (Hannah and Cael's mom) could have her baby any time now and it's going to be a surprise to everyone because they did not find out the gender..Wow - I am not that patient. I could not WAIT to find out with Jackson!

Karleigh and Kole

I know I mostly post about Jackson, but there are other loves in my life that we don't get to see very often. We miss seeing them and love the little people they are growing up to be...I just can't believe how big they get between times that we get to see them. I dont even want to think about how fast Jackson is growing up - it makes my head spin...