Friday, September 21, 2007

Let the countdown begin...

Historically, countdowns begin with know 10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - .... well - that's exactly where we are today...only 10 days to go. Ummm...what? How can there only be ten days left until my due date? I know that I will go past my due date since I am a first timer and that's fine by me...well as long as we dont go too long past my due date. There is a difference in being fashionably late and just plain rude! Regardless, the fact that he COULD come in ten days or less is a little overwhelming (oh where are those crazy breathing exercises when you need them?)

I was telling Ben the other day how crazy all of this seems since we are coming toward the end. I mean, there have been so many milestones along this journey that have kept my attention diverted from the actual due date that it seems weird to not have many left. There have been so many things that I have been able to tell myself will have to happen before I 'can' have Jackson. For one, we have our family shower tomorrow and I was told not to have him before then or it would be 'faux pas'. :) lol - well as long as I can make it through today then we'll be good on that one. Next is the fact that I needed to finish my internship so that I would not have to go back to work at all once Jackson arrives. Well, as of today I am only 9 hours shy of being finished and have a few feedback sessions set up for next week that will more than cover these hours. What am I going to do then? These were my last two things that 'had to get done' before he could get here... Once they are gone and past we will just be sitting and waiting on him and THEN it is going to sink in and I might have a slight panic attack. I'm going to be someones mom - how scary is that? Who would give me such responsibility?? I can't think about it or I'll drive myself crazy with worry.

I think I'm still in denial about the whole birthing process - I'm pretty sure the stork bringing him to my doorstep is a much better plan than the pain and agony that delivery will bring. Ugh - like I said before - that's a post for a different time and different day. Like Scarlett said in Gone with the Wind - I can't think about that right now...I'll think about it tomorrow.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

always a blessed house

There is something to be said about the peace that only God can give. In church or in prayer circles we are constantly praying for "God's Peace over them" or the "Peace and Grace to deal with this situation". We pray for it so often that I don't think we realize the magnitude of actually receiving God's peace and grace. When we face tough situations and are consumed with fear and shame and guilt there is no price that can be put on God's peace.

Ben and I have gone through so many things in our relationship and every single trial has brought us closer to each other and closer to God. Our current situation is no different. I'm a worrier; anyone who knows me will confirm this. I worry about little things, silly things, things that may never even come to light - why am I not worried about this? Why am I strangely calm and completely at peace with our situation? The only answer I can come up with is that God is holding me...holding Ben. What an amazing God we have. We have so many what-ifs ahead of us and honestly, that should freak me out - but what do I feel instead? I feel excited - I feel rejuvenated - I feel completely comfortable exactly where I am and with exactly where we are going.

Where is this place we are going? What is going to happen in the next few months? Weeks? Days? I don’t know, I honestly have no idea - but I'm ok with it. I have never been so grateful to be exactly where I am than I am right now.

I have an amazing husband, who makes me even more proud to be his wife with every day that passes - this experience is no different. Ben makes me want to be a better person and he teaches me something new each day. I'm so amazed at how he is handling all of this - never skipping a beat. Instead of falling down (as no one would blame him for doing) he is taking every advantage of this situation. He is so positive and so Godly, actively seeking His will for our lives regardless of what that may be. I really am humbled by him and hope that I can provide the same strength for him that he does for me. Ben is one of my greatest blessings.

We have so much to be thankful and joyful for. I have an amazingly healthy pregnancy and child that will soon be gracing us with his much desired presence. I have amazing family, amazing friends and most of all an amazing God. What an awesome God we serve that He would carry us through our storms.

This seems to be the lesson that God is trying to teach all of us lately - it has been the theme of so many lives this year and we are no exception. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.