Last night was the first night of Jackson's life that I wasn't there to kiss him goodnight and help put him to bed. It was so difficult. I called to say goodnight and Jackson started crying when he heard my voice. I cried too. After I hung up the phone I prayed that God would give me the strength to make it through my shift because I missed my boys and I wanted to go home - I haven't felt that way since I was 10 years old. It took everything I had not to just grab my purse and leave but I put on my big girl pants and went back to my desk. Later that night I was making rounds on the units and came across this canvas:
It was then that I was reminded that God feels about me the way I feel about Jackson - only a million times stronger. I got through my shift and will work a few more hours tonight. I know that I will adjust to the change, so will Ben and Jackson but it will just take some time. Ben did such an amazing job last night. He did everything by himself. He and Jackson ate dinner together, played, showered and got to bed without a hitch. I'm so proud of both of them. I got home pretty late and Jackson was fast asleep. Safe and sound. I'm so thankful that Ben is such a wonderful dad - that eases all worries I have when I'm not home with them. Let me clarify, this is not a blog about me being worried when I'm away. I know that Ben is doing an amazing job with Jackson and that they are having a big time. I just love being at home with them and I missed them. I'm thankful to feel that way - some people can't wait to get out of the house. Not this girl.