Thursday, October 23, 2008

change

I worked my first "shift" last night. I'd like to say that it was fabulous and I loved it and everything is wonderful but that wouldn't be completely true. I love what I do...I love helping people...I love conversations with adults - it's just different now. Everything is so different when you have a child at home.

Last night was the first night of Jackson's life that I wasn't there to kiss him goodnight and help put him to bed. It was so difficult. I called to say goodnight and Jackson started crying when he heard my voice. I cried too. After I hung up the phone I prayed that God would give me the strength to make it through my shift because I missed my boys and I wanted to go home - I haven't felt that way since I was 10 years old. It took everything I had not to just grab my purse and leave but I put on my big girl pants and went back to my desk. Later that night I was making rounds on the units and came across this canvas:

It was then that I was reminded that God feels about me the way I feel about Jackson - only a million times stronger. I got through my shift and will work a few more hours tonight. I know that I will adjust to the change, so will Ben and Jackson but it will just take some time. Ben did such an amazing job last night. He did everything by himself. He and Jackson ate dinner together, played, showered and got to bed without a hitch. I'm so proud of both of them. I got home pretty late and Jackson was fast asleep. Safe and sound. I'm so thankful that Ben is such a wonderful dad - that eases all worries I have when I'm not home with them. Let me clarify, this is not a blog about me being worried when I'm away. I know that Ben is doing an amazing job with Jackson and that they are having a big time. I just love being at home with them and I missed them. I'm thankful to feel that way - some people can't wait to get out of the house. Not this girl.

I'm going to paint this message on Jackson's wall. I want him to know that even though mom and dad may not be there, God always will.

3 comments:

Laura said...

I can only imagine what it will be like to go back to work with a little one at home. But you're a strong lady, and like you said, time will help everyone adjust a bit. I'm sure you'll find your work rewarding and I hope you are able to enjoy it as this adjustment period eases up a bit. You ARE lucky to have such a great husband at home. We'll be thinkin' of ya. Best of luck. :)

Courtney's World said...

Love it. I know what your going through. Had the same issue when I had to go back to work after being home with Mikayla. It will get easier for everyone.

Reason to Rejoice! said...

Well, I would like to say that it gets easier. Somedays are still hard! I work primarily on the weekend..mostly Saturdays and leaving the daddy and the girl at home is hard. Sometimes when I work the night shift, she cries when I leave and I don't want to leave her and I have been doing this for a long time. I am glad that you were able to find peace. It is good for both of you to have some time apart. I do sometimes enjoy being the one working and letting daddy do the "mommy" thing...you will get that more when he turns 2!!! =)